(Art work titled, “Just take them and leave me alone” by Raoof Haghighi, Graphite on paper)
Not all men, but somehow always a man. I heard this the other day that men fear supernatural creatures when they are alone, and women fear men. Generations of oppression lies behind this internalized fear. But the fun part is watching a random casual gathering of men getting supremely defensive and insecure whenever the mention of men-induced-crimes specifically sexual ones, come up. The awkward silences, weird glances and illogical logic make it even more pathetic when they feel that attacking patriarchy is synonymous to attacking men. It’s not, bro. It’s really not.
A privileged group of people can never understand the experiences of the ones deprived of the same privilege. So do not tell women that their experiences are invalid. Do not do this whatever gender you belong to. But in case you are a man, don’t you dare tell a woman that feminism is nothing but a movement of segregation. This opinion comes from a highly privileged position and ends up destroying people.
You do not know the fear that a woman lives with throughout her life. You do not know the paralyzing state of horror a woman goes through while going for the most basic everyday chores. Crossing a road. Sitting in an Uber and constantly checking her phone, the rare view mirror and the route the driver is taking. The feeling of holding on to the keys and clutching it tight when walking alone to the car parking. Walking alone on a pavement and fearing an attacker coming from behind. The absence and numbness she goes through when she knows that those men are staring at her and sexualizing every single part of her existence in their minds. The inability to resist when all her energies are drained and she knows that there is nothing but victim blaming, character assassination and guilt in store for her. Even her reaction to violence will be sexualized.
You do not have to go through this on a daily basis so don’t you dare say this to a woman ever that her problems are nothing but exaggeration. Yes, I know that this system is a failure and we cannot do much about it but the least you can do, specially if you belong to the privileged gender, is helping her out in the most ordinary ways.
Make things easy for your colleagues, friends and random women you see around. Instead of just staring her to death, go lift those boxes with her. Open the door for her because believe me she might be too busy saving herself from you with the Chaddar that has been bestowed on her by this confined life.
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